boreal_thoughts.txt

can't even talk or write normally because of how bad i feel

"bad" as in "i feel horrible and i don't know why because i suppress everything",

not "i've met with my feelings and it's hard".

i hate this with all

of

my

spirit

луна така яскрава

навіть у дерев є тіні

у рядок

top foods and drinks (if you're disagree you should be ashamed because my taste is perfect)

1. kalakeitto (hot af only!!!)

2. борщ (зі сметаною)

3. млинці

4. бутерброд з чорним хлібом та лікарською ковбасою

5. пюре з рибною котлетою

6. matcha latte

7. green tea

8. apple pie

9. глінтвейн

10. horrible instant coffee

[horizontal scrolling galleries]

absolutely disgusting and pathetic btw! :)

me: hungry af

also me: sits motionlessly & is terrified by the prospect of going outside and decision paralysis. just writing about it with a pokerface while screaming inside

🔖

фантазія яка мене заспокоїла. були без телефону, тривожно, темно, лежали на ліжку j.

Баф, думали знову як виглядає і як рухається, щось про солому, тканину, вату, чорні кінцівки

мій "розум" як великий архів/библиотека. ТА САМА яку я давно уявляли

я, я-спиний-мозок (subconscious), багато працюючих мене які там все прибирають, палять, будуть, етц

нейронні шляхі як одночасно печери та прорублені шляхі у густому лісі - ніч/темно + кольорові лінії коли навичок працює

JUS ANOTHER NIGHT IN DA VAMPIRE CLUB!!

[NAME], LEAVE YOUR WEBSITES ALONE. CODE ONLY THAT COLLABORATIVE ONE. NEAW!

some might call me a "webmaster" - i think "webwizard" is the funniest word though.

---

strawberry-transneu

ive had things to write down, but i didn't. i just didn't. i hate my brain

to-do (depression + blackout) survival list:

1. buy (easy-to-make) food for a few days ahead. you barely have any energy to cook, just grab those local ready meals from Сільпо

2. write to your diary. no, i'm serious. take that fucking journal and write down every small thing that is on your mind. you know it works

3. keep the lights on. holiday lights, or a candle, or та маленька настольна лампа на батарейках (тепле світло), або велика лампа (холодне світло)

4. interact sensory. touch textures, stim, juggle something, hug your toys. it's grounding

5. basic hygiene as a task list for every day. simple routine can help more that you think, especially when you have to start

6. people. call j., listen to podcasts, observe people outside. you need to feel like there are living breathing people in order to ease dissociation. don't isolate, please...

7. don't push yourself. i know you want, and i know you think this is the only real working solution, but it's not. you will just be stuck in guilt and with no real care for your body (which is critical right now). at least ignore it for now. we need to live through it, leave your demands for later

8. draw messy stuff. self-harm, gore w/ self-inserts, body horror, heavy emotions. you know it helps with transforming pain into something more healthy. fuck studies

i guess i need to:

1. continue to test anytype for worldbuilding and paracosms and ideas without any complex setups

2. make sure i drink water and eat

3. go outside as often as possible

4. be aware!!! of how current mental health issues affect intelligence, focus & concentration, overall energy

5. try to clean myself as often as possible with the hot water from the teapot & тазом у ванні

6. talk & write & DO NOT isolate

jäi vai nimekse [only remained as a name]

something fragile and resilient grows at the same time

круглі з вуглами.

як той шрифт.

дивно-недивний.

оце я.

imagining sound design in existing location

bird in Solitide

на вулиці темно і холодно, але йде сніг, і я чую як він хрустить під ногами. спокійно. despite everything,

i want my curious mind back

transformation of pain feels healthy, fulfilling, and liberating

now i just need to draw and write it down no matter if it's a gibberish or not

i need to capture it while it's alive