boreal_thoughts.txt

йбн блять рсн

я просто хочу встигнути сходити в душ поки є час 9_9

i need to notice when i stop enjoying thing or being interested

and start to use reading as a way to distract myself from my thoughts

1. пішли за кавою

2. забули купити каву

3. ???

4. PROFIT!

sometimes i look too close and can't see all of the details

stuck

move away a little and try to see the whole picture

restless but at least i've talked a little

also wrote down the expanded version of my yesterday's post here

will probably export+backup it later

(also будь ласочка do not forget to finish that entry about self-personification!)

bisexy

been here longer than your god / so leave us alone

FFFFFFUCKKKKKKKKKK HITS HARD U_U 人

buying [instruments] is so scary and intimate but i don't want to kill my musical self by endlessly delaying it for years.

i know i need musical instruments to feel whole again. i'm so scared, but i have to, for my own healing and artistic fulfilment >_<

keeping some things to myself is a form of self-care

or smth

повітряна тривога 9_9

вставай, Україно, москаль вже годину не спить

it's you. you look good moments today: (3)

i hate queer discourse

painkillers save me please..... ;_;

ah, so this is why i'm uncomfortable using [those] websites...

social features

even if i can control them, i just... i don't like having them

maybe that is one of the reasons thoughts.page is so nice for me, huh

maybe Ukrainian trees will accept me :)

...or maybe having my meds back helps too lmaoooo

re: dream journal and other stuff

i actually missed having lucid dreams so much. they always meant freedom and safety that i didn't have in reality

...but that's a story for another time. today's not the day

remembering childhood friendships and good places (wilderness mostly) makes it to you i guess. especially when you try to act in your dream and look at least at the imaginary pieces instead of the real ones

saying "hey, remember me?" to the image of my childhood friend - an adult now - constructed from the memories and guesses

i actually have had the other name when we were younger, but it's [IRL name] now. oh yeah, i know, i look and sound a little different from what you expected, probably, but it's me, ha-ha. don't mind this, it's a long story, turned out i'm not a man or a woman even tho my parents thought otherwise. but it doesn't matter now, just talk to me. tell me how it's been?

...silly me, talking to my own brain, very well aware it's a dream. but man. it's realistic. being trans and all that

i really need to look at myself/my life from afar. not like when i'm dissociated, but when i observe

paradoxically, it could help w/ returning to myself and being close to myself again

maybe being sad and conflicted on my birthday (or when it's nearby) is normal for me

maybe i'm nor-- uhhhhhhhh

7 (8?) years long "gap year"

looking from afar gives perspective (duh) not only when you draw

wow. existential fucked up dreams

software to (re)try (and CHILL):

• Baphalon

• dungeon-scrawl

• ficdown

• ghostwriter (and back-up later)

• manuskript

• break timer instead of stretchly?

#Deep

sometimes everything is interconnected, nuanced and complex.... but sometimes...... it IS THE DAMN PHONE

me, finding my own hair on my clothes: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

birthday (no, not today) wishes

1. сільпошний т.зв. kalakeitto

2. млинці (зі сметаною...)

3. подивитися аніме про котів з j.

4. матча

5. погуляти

6. душ з гарячою водою

7. вибрати s.

   • і дозволити собі його купити (бо я йобнуся)

8. нормально поспати

9. не залипати будь ласкаааа ;_;

10. за якийсь час до цього: прибратися/поставити прання/винести сміття

omg VGen supports Taiwan and Hong Kong. based

sadly, no Ukraine here :(

my site i write whatever i want

---

sneek

yes

my paranoid ideation be like

This list is incomplete; you can help by expanding it.

PHEWWWWWWWWWW i deleted [that] account. fuck it man. no matter how (gen) good community is, THIS FUCKING TWITTERLIKE SHAPE IS DRIVING ME INSANE.

...........aaand i'm trying Dreamwidth again, but for RSS. and actually... i didn't realize how many privacy settings it has..... wow. anyway.

"O" is here, and probably "C" is here; not "D", fortunately

for М.

• solution based

• aknolegghgnment (you know!)

• follow-up questions

MY NORMAL MEDS ARE BACK!!!!! 😭😭😭

i feel so tired, confused, disorganized, strained, sick, agitated

don't even want to talk about it, because my hyperfixation stuff sometimes reminds me of type "O" of OCD - not literally, i'm pretty sure i do not have an OCD, but... those "O" tendencies... drive me insane

[write longer text about why the internet scares me sometimes and how my paranoid ideation makes it worse]

i did what i can (probably)

RE: weeknotes

can't have it at Saturdays, because Saturdays are (supposed to be) my Kyly Days. at least as much as i can manage in this city landscape with no actual real kyly. (gods fuck i miss it!)

Monday for the week notes? ...or whatever -week stuff, really. i just need to do something with my time blindness.

Sunday is too free and chill and endless for that, i don't know. i'll think of it.